Fat Assange the Tortured Needs MONEY!!!!

by Scott Creighton

Fat Assange the Tortured needs MONEY!!! So, like DSP before him, it's time to E-BEG and E-BEG HARD!!!

'Dear Supporter', read an email. 'The flight comes at enormous cost: Julian will owe $520,000 (£409,000). In addition, and after 14 years of detention, including five years in maximum security prison, Julian's health is in dire need of recovery.

'We are launching an emergency appeal to seek donations to help him… every contribution counts.'

You can't expect St. Julian of Assange to fly commercial can you? How can he get closer to God like that!? He needs the hand-stiched leather seats of this thing to sit his fat ass on while flying to CIA-Land in Saipan.

See that? He just needs a mere 1/2 million bucks for ONE FLIGHT. For everyone else it would cost one way about $5,091. But St Julian of Assange isn't everyone else. He's SPECIAL DAMNIT!!!

So his wife wants YOU to pony up the money for him to travel in style... in spite of the fact that it had ALREADY BEEN PAID FOR (of course it had... no airline private or not is going to let you fly first and maybe pay later)

'An anonymous donor has significantly contributed to the cause of Julian Assange, the founder of WikiLeaks, by covering almost the entire cost of his travel expenses as he transitioned from detainment to freedom. This donation of 8 Bitcoin (BTC), valued at nearly $497,000 at current market rates, nearly fulfills the total appeal of $520,000 outlined by Assange’s family.' Bitcoinist

It had already been paid for before little Miss Saintly put the tip jar out there for the marks to fill to the brim with their hard earned money. I mean she has to feed the saintly one now herself and apparently Julian's been eating pretty well between all those torture sessions.

"They Ruined his LIIIIIIIIIIIFE!' screeches the Assange Karen across the Griftoverse.

Ruined his life? Please, ruin my life like that. I can barely afford a Lyft ride to the doctor.